My husband got fat. Yep. I said it.
I’m not talking about a few pounds. The man is up 80, maybe even 100 lbs since our wedding FOUR years ago. In those 4 years I’ve had 2 babies, and yet, through diet and exercise, I’ve been able to get back to roughly 10 lbs over my normal weight.
Look, I’m not saying that I don’t love my husband just because of some fat. And I get it, you’re supposed to love each other “for better or worse,” but I didn’t realize I was going to be married to such a lazy ass. Because that’s the real issue. I don’t mind that he’s started to go bald. I don’t mind that he’s getting back hair. I don’t mind the normal parts of aging. Hell, I wouldn’t even mind a little weight.
But I do care that he’ll eat a family-size bag of Doritos a day. I do mind that he’ll buy a box of donuts and then eat all of them while playing video games in one evening. I do care that he eats fast food for lunch every day. I do care that he’ll stop on the way home for fast food because he won’t eat the healthy stuff I’ve made. I do care that he drinks 3-4 cans of energy soda a day. I for sure care that all of this cost so, so much money and that we’re hurting financially when we should not be. I absolutely care that he won’t play with our kids because he doesn’t feel like it. And, I do care that he won’t try to do anything about his weight gain.
I’ve offered to make him lunches: he won’t eat them. I’ve offered to go to the gym with him: he’s not interested. I’ve offered to buy home equipment: doesn’t want it. I’ve offered to find him a therapist to help him deal with his mental health: he says he doesn’t need it…
I am not attracted to this man. He begs me for sex all the time and, god help me, I try. I really do. I close my eyes and do it. But I can’t anymore.
You ever give someone a bj while their stomach fat is resting on your head?? Have you ever had someone’s sweat drip into your eye while they were grunting on top of you? You ever dealt with the fart sound a fat sweaty belly makes when it hits your ass?
You need me to be on top because you can’t see your own d*ck anymore while standing? You need me to be more flexible because your thighs are too fat to spread? You want me completely naked but taking your own clothes off leaves you out of breath?
I just… if it were a medical problem, okay. But it’s not. He’s not depressed, he’s not addicted to anything. He literally just doesn’t think he needs to try.
What he says to me all of the time: “I don’t have to be hot. I’m the man. All the tv shows have hot wives and fat husbands. That’s how it is.”
Yeah, so so funny. No, wait, it’s not.
If I mention how much I try in order to look good? Well, he says that it isn’t true. He says that I’m just blessed to have a natural look. Haha, okay buddy. Fine.
But here’s the biggest problem: he won’t let the sex thing go. If I say no repeatedly? Then there’s obviously something wrong with ME. No sex for a day or two? Holy shit, it’s all I hear about. Something must be wrong with me. I must be sick. Maybe I’m in a bad mood. As if it’s literally my only use on this earth is as his sex toy. I f*cking hate it. I feel so so disgusting. Add to it having to have sex with someone I’m no longer attracted to and I basically feel like an unpaid prostitute.
When I’ve tried to tell my friends, asking for advice, they tell me I’m being a bitch. How can I not want sex with the man I love? How can I be so mean and make him feel undesirable?
The reality is, he’s the one being cruel. He’s the one who clearly doesn’t care about my feelings or desires.
So let him whine. Let him complain. The next time he says some shit about “we never have sex!” I’m going to tell him why.