I dream of it, yearn for it, pray for it. I promised not to. And I won’t. But oh how I wish I could sleep a sleep, so deep that I never wake up. How I wish I could swim down so deep that I’d never be able to reach the surface again.
To walk away from this life that holds me hostage, leave behind all the pain that haunts me. But I can’t. I won’t.
I’ll keep on. Start a new day so I can mark it off the calendar. Counting down until one day, someday I’ll be free.
My open mouth silently screaming, tears, invisible tears, streaming. I’m a prisoner, you see. In this world you hold dear. For me, it is torture, a sentence to endure. How much longer? Until the kids are grown? Until they marry? Until the have kids of their own? I’ll never be free. They’ll always need me and I can’t go until they can let me go. And they won’t, so I don’t. I can’t.