My toddler wouldn’t respond, she was having a seizure.
The ambulance arrived treatment given. “Are you okay?” they asked. Must stay calm, I thought, it’s happened once before “I’m fine”.
We arrive in A and E, everyone rushing around my unconscious toddler. Every now and then a new invasive procedure. An explanation given, then another “are you alright?” after each occasion. “I’m fine” I replied aching inside. The change of shift came and a nurse said “I’ll be thinking of you” I bit my lip and said “thank you”.
More bad news, we needed to go to a specialist hospital, lumbar punch, CT, checking pupils. I’m still fine I say. Our bubbly toddler eventually wakes but is aggressive, it’s not her. 4 days later we are home. My partner breaks down and describes our toddler screaming for mam in the cot as doctors tried again and again to get a line. I tell her we’ll be alright. I’m not fine, I’m far from fine. I’m angry at my robotic inability to let out my pain.
I’ve posted here as it’s anonymous, and I have no one to tell or no way to say it. I’m numb.