This is my first “vent”. I’ve been told it’ll be good for me so I am going to give it a shot. Screaming into the abyss is no longer working so what have I got to lose? Literally nothing at this point. There isn’t anything left.
First- I love my MIL. I have been part of this family for 32 years next month. For most of this time we were actually friends.
Today, and for the last 10 years or so, she is a bitter, unhappy, cynical and grumpy old lady. Granted she has reasons to be. Until recently her living situation consisted of my stubborn 84 yo FIL with un-dx dementia. Her oldest son, 53,who has only lived “on his own” for about 5 of those years and not all at one time. He is an HIV-positive (over 30 yrs) gay or transgender Christian with dx of God Complex (he thinks he’s Jesus) introvert and hoarder. Phew! AND her 4th son who was dying from drugs and diabetes. He passed away in May. Needless to say for 2 of her 5 children she was an enabler.
I am unsure why she stayed with my FIL while he was working, she didn’t love him and doesn’t now. They aren’t rich but his disability from the VA is good enough to keep her happy money wise. My FIL has been disabled for 25 years. The youngest dying child moved in 4 yrs ago. Although she has always taken care of him. Paid his bills, kept him out of jail. Jesus (jk) has always been with them and a wedge.
I’m 50. I have been on disability for 12 yrs. Recently I have started to feel like I can go back to work full-time and am working in that direction. I work a p/t retail job right now so we can eat. Everything takes money and I owe everybody. Six years ago; about 3 mo. before his younger brother, my husband was diagnosed with diabetes. We got it under control with diet and he did not require insulin. Fast forward to about a year ago. He is sick now. No insurance/$ so he suffers. But he is also just like his dad, STUBBORN. He won’t try anything new or to change what he’s doing. I have tried, cried and screamed until I am blue in the face.
I have 3 kids. My middle child, son is an awful lot like his uncle. In just about every way except he did try to have a wife and family. Unfortunately, he was horrible at it and his wife finally left him last year (turned lesbian actually). I love my son but he is not a good provider. Until a few months ago him and his kids (p/t) lived with us. Even after I kicked him out when he sees his oldest daughter over night it has to be here. fml. He just got out of jail. Only a 90 day stay. That’s twice and he’s only 30 so he can catch up to his uncle. The difference, we never bailed him out of jail. We did/do bail him out of a lot of other stuff. Since he wouldn’t have food when he had his kids if it weren’t for me. No job, no driver’s license. I’m still a taxi service. AT 50.
Am I crazy or can you see the similarities too. I see my future and sometimes my present every time I go to her house. Luckily it’s a forty minute drive and gas is too costly for my pocketbook.
Worst part – because I decided to completely change the way I look at everything I have never felt better. Nope, I am not manic.