Alzheimer’s is killing my beloved mum. It is slowly and painfully taking her from me like the saddest, cruelest and longest goodbye ever. It is like a dark shadow that is slowly falling over my beautiful mum and taking her away from me. The vibrant, beautiful, sunny, kind, considerate, gorgeous lady is slowly disappearing and there is nothing I can do to help her.
I feel like I want to mourn someone who has not yet passed, but how can I do that? How can I give myself a moment to cry at my loss when she hasn’t ‘gone’. She is there, and happy (thankfully) but she is slowly forgetting and slowly doing the things that would make her embarrassed for herself should she know. I hate this cruel disease that has plagued her now for 6 years, possibly more. I hate that it is mocking me and my family. I hate that my dad no longer has a wife that can follow him through his older years and do the things that they had planned when ‘the children left home’. See she is only young. She still had many, many wonderful years ahead. It’s gonna eventually rob my children of their lovely grandma, who already doesn’t even seem to remember the youngest.
I know everyone eventually gets something. But at least they remain that person, true to themselves to the bitter end. They don’t become someone else and start to do weird and wonderful things that, as I say would embarrass them, were they aware. They will know who their loved ones are right up to goodbye. Right now, that seems lucky.
I am just mad that I am losing my mum to Alzheimer’s.